After you have lost a child, there is often a driving force inside you that wants to get pregnant as soon as possible. Not to replace the child you’ve lost but to ‘right the wrong’ of the last pregnancy. For medical reasons we couldn’t, and on reflection I’m glad we had to wait. (There’s a whole other blog post on that).
We had two very early miscarriages but then last July, we found out we were pregnant again. Our amazing Fetal Medicine Team swooped in and gave us amazing care right from the very start. I was on daily medication and injections to try and ensure we wouldn’t go through the same heartbreak again.
Just as with our first pregnancy, every day felt like an eternity. I couldn’t wait until I felt the baby moved, and then I spent every day paranoid and worried he hadn’t moved enough.
But slowly we got passed significant milestones, points where it had lurched from bad to worse to horrific with our last pregnancy. On difficult days I remembered our eldest, and his bravery gave me the strength to continue.
At 36 weeks the decision was made to deliver. Another C-section in the same theatre, and at almost the same time of day. But instead of my son being whisked off to neonatal and hushed whispers about his weight, this time he was placed on my chest. My partner and I looked at each other with pure joy, and both breathed out for the first time in eight months.
Our journey as rainbow parents was just beginning…..
rainbowmam 